I was reading an old entry of mine tonight from 5 years ago about enjoying someone’s company so much that I wondered if it felt smothering….as I am soaking here in the tub it occurred to me that maybe it was for that person.
I feel much the same way now with my eternal companion but not once have I felt I am smothering him. It’s funny how we can misread our own feelings so much.
I didn’t feel the peace then that is surely present in my marriage now.
I have grown so much…learned so much and am listening more intently than before. Seeking the guidance of the spirit more in my life and in my marriage, more than I ever had before…I’m not sure that I really knew how to seek His guidance then. That was a hard lesson I had to learn by making a great mistake, one that, without the love and guidance of my Heavenly Father, may have left me completely broken.
I am grateful for the message that comes with our every mess…if we will only listen in order to be taught the lesson. I am grateful for mistakes and the bounce-back that comes as I choose to get back up when life has knocked me down. I am grateful for His love, that whether or not I can feel it is always there for me. I am grateful for every blessing that comes from my obedience.
It has taken me, what seems to be, a lifetime to see His hand in my life, each and every day. I am grateful for His patience with me each time I fall…not once has He ever seen me as a failure though others have labeled me as such. I am grateful for the way He sees me…as I am and am capable of becoming as I rely upon His Beloved Son, my Savior and Redeemer Jesus Christ.
Entry from 5-7-2014
Have you ever loved someone so much that you could spend all your free time with them? The very thought of seeing that one you love makes you feel like a kid at Christmas time, your whole body lights up at the sight of them, not just your smile, you wait with great excitement in the anticipation of seeing their face. It seems unfair to expect so much from one person, for anyone to understand how this one person makes you feel. It seems unreal that one person could bring so much joy to another’s life and yet I know it’s real. But really how can anyone spend all their free time with one person and not leave that person feeling smothered? Is it possible they would feel suffocated by the love you feel for them and just pull completely away?
