Good morning, brothers & sisters. I have opted to forgo the usual introduction new ward members offer and dive right into my talk. I pray that as I do so, the Holy Ghost will be with us all, opening our hearts to hear the words that our Father in Heaven would have us hear.
I was excited when my husband said he received a text asking if we would be willing to speak in church. I had felt for a while before this that one, if not both of us, would be asked to speak in church. I’m always excited to speak in church. I usually volunteer to speak in church upon introducing myself to the bishop; however, I didn’t do that this time. I guess there is a first for everything, and I hope it’s the last time I neglect to introduce myself in such a way.
At first, I was a little intimidated by the talk we were asked to speak about, Be One With Christ. That was a fleeting feeling, however, as I felt I had been being prepared for this for some time now. That didn’t stop me from reading the talk numerous times, listening to many other General Conference talks and BYU devotional addresses, and studying in preparation for what the Lord would have me say to you today, even if this talk is only meant for the One.
As I studied, so many wonderful and insightful things caught my interest. These included our agency and the choices we are free to make, our families and the various opportunities they offer us in this life, the many ways in which we are more alike than different, the covenants we can make with our Savior and Heavenly Father, and the attributes of Christ and His infinite atonement. But I somehow kept coming back to one thing. I have spent hours upon hours studying and wrestling with how best to communicate some of the things that have helped me to become more one with Christ. A way to envelop all these things into what I hope and pray will be an uplifting and inspiring message. A scripture comes to mind, one that I have reflected upon much over the years, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9)
Elder Rasband has said, “We can learn something from everyone.” We are each given unique opportunities to draw closer to the Lord and become one with Christ.
As I reflected on the things I had been studying and thumbed through the pages of my scriptures, it became easier for me to see how ever-present He has always been with me—even in those days that feel so long ago now, when I wasn’t even sure He was real.
(Psalm 23:4 is a verse I had written in a journal of mine when I was 17. It reads, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me)
Looking back, I can see Him and how He was with me. He preserved, protected, and was always patient with me. Growing up, I never felt like I belonged anywhere, with anyone, or to anyone. Often, I felt rejected, unwanted, abandoned, and unworthy of love. I never really understood why. I have five siblings and a close relationship with only one of them, my baby sister. My parents were alcoholics; my dad quit drinking when I was a year old, and my mother never stopped. She was also into drugs; to what extent and how bad, I don’t know, but the older I get, the more I see how bad it may have been. My parents divorced when I was 5; as a result, I grew up fast.
Growing up with my mother was no picnic. There is much I don’t remember, for which I am truly grateful. We endured more abuse at the hands of someone we were supposed to have complete trust in than anyone should ever have to endure. We were often left home alone while she went out partying. I recall at least one night when she didn’t come home until the following day. I was 10 then, my brother was 8, and my younger sister was 6. That was the night that changed everything. Whatever light there may have been in our home was run out. For the next 6 years of my life, it was inescapable darkness. I didn’t think I would ever be free.
When I was 14, my brother ran away; I was the only one who looked for him. I don’t know that we ever knew where he went or who he was with. He was gone, and I don’t recall that we ever spoke of him again. A couple of years later, when I was 16, I went to live with my dad. I don’t recall the events that brought me to that point. I knew life was dark, and I was scared. It was so bad I was even suicidal; that’s not something I have ever really talked about. It was then that I found out where my brother was. I remember what it was like when I learned that heart-breaking truth at 16, without having a relationship with Jesus Christ in my life. It shook me to my core. It was unimaginable, unfathomable. I was angry, so angry with God, my mother, and her boyfriend, but especially God. I didn’t understand! How could He let such horrible things happen? I felt more lost and alone than before, and I didn’t think that was possible. No one to turn to, no one I felt I could trust, no one in my corner. My dad tried, I think, but he had his scars too. My life has been a hot mess. Living with my dad didn’t last very long. I eventually moved back to my mother’s, and a few months later, at 17 years old, I left for good. That was the year I moved 24 times.
At some point in our life, we have all wandered through the wilderness. That is the path some of us must travel before we are ready to have a relationship with our Savior. I wandered for several years, living the next few years in what I now see as survival mode. There were some good times in my life as well I don’t mean it to sound all dark and twisted. There were many lessons I learned in my journey to Him. I can see now how patient He was with me as He led me along the way. I am grateful for His patience with me, and I thank Him for this often. He blessed me with rays of light along the way. He blessed me with 3 beautiful children. That was a battle that drove me to Him in a hurry. That is probably where, without my even really knowing it, I learned to trust Him. By the time I was 24, I was in my third marriage. That was probably the happiest I had ever been in my life. I thought I had it all short of not having my kids living with me. I thought it was pretty perfect, and maybe it was for a while, but something was missing. Something we didn’t speak of as it was something we had differing views and opinions on. I guess our Savior, Jesus Christ, wasn’t the only thing we didn’t see eye to eye on.
Once more, I found myself at a point in my life where it was falling apart. This time with a far greater purpose than I could have ever imagined. It opened my heart to our Savior, Jesus Christ, allowing my life to come together in the most beautiful ways. Not that I saw it that way then. We never see things as they may become when we are in the eye of the storm. As I reached outward, His arms were outstretched, ready to embrace me. Would you believe I was always in the right place, with the right people, and at the right time? I worked in an office as the only person not a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
For two years, I worked there, listening to them have their conversations about church and life and Jesus and Satan. All the time, they loved me, and they included me. When the doctor’s oldest son returned home from his mission, he made it a point to invite me to a sacrament meeting for his homecoming. Just over two years after that, I got really curious. It was around this time they announced the Brigham City Temple open house. That was the first temple I ever visited, and it was amazing. I had begun attending church a few months before that, and at some point, I got brave enough to talk with my boss about things I had questions about. She asked what ward I lived in; I had no idea what she was talking about. She found out and contacted the bishop who worked in the same office park as we did. Not long after speaking with him, I began taking the lessons from the missionaries.
With my eyes looking heavenward, I made my first covenant with Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ. I went through the Salt Lake Temple a year later to receive my endowment and make further covenants. What I didn’t know then was that my life would get harder shortly after that, much harder. My marriage at this time wasn’t what I thought it was, not even close. At that point, the only one I had to lean on and rely upon was our Savior. We had been married for maybe a year or 2 when I felt impressed to immerse myself in the scriptures. That’s what I did. It was all I had; our Savior was all I had. My husband was never home, and I had come to know that he wasn’t who he had claimed to be and we would never be sealed.
All I had ever wanted was to be happily married & have a family, and somehow, that’s the one thing I felt I kept losing. I worked hard to make things work, yet it always seemed to fall apart. No matter how many times it fell apart, I kept trying. Glutton for punishment, maybe. Always learning valuable lessons, always holding on to hope that one day I might get it right, striving with each step to be more like our Savior.
That was the marriage where, near the end, I felt I could do one of two things: leave the church to save my marriage or lose my marriage for the one who saved me. We can see my choice: I chose Jesus because He has always chosen me. How could I forsake the one who has reminded me on more than one occasion that He “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” Hebrews 13:5 (this was also a verse I had written in my journal at 17): In the beginning, He chose me; He died and was resurrected for me; in the middle, Jesus pursued me, time and time again, and now, today, He chooses me as I continue to choose Him.
My life in the beginning was much like a compost heap. I was the seed that had become lost in this mass of what seemed to many to be a waste, but in Jeremiah 1:5, the Lord tells us, “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee.” Later in Jeremiah 29: 11, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” In this April’s General Conference, Elder Patrick Kearon reminded us that “God is in relentless pursuit of you. He “wants all of His children to choose to return to Him,” and He employs every possible measure to bring you back.” How could I not want to be one with the one person in such a relentless pursuit of me after all He has done for me?
Being one with Christ is much like any other relationship we may have. We get out of it what we are willing to put into it based on the choices we make and our efforts, the time we are eager to invest, and the needed attention we must be willing to give, and we know the Lord loves effort. Jesus Christ has done His part & continues to do His part. All He asks of us is that we do ours. We must choose to build a relationship with Him.
Our relationship with Christ is of the utmost importance. It is the most important relationship we can ever have. The breadth and depth of all other relationships depend on our relationship with Jesus Christ. The depth of our conversion to the Gospel as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Letter-Day Saints hinges upon our relationship with our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ, and our desire and ability to be one with Him. For me, it is my desire to be one with Him that drives me to live the gospel.
Through the atonement of Jesus Christ, we can become one with Him. That, my friends, is an all-encompassing word. It covers just about everything, if not everything, we need through Him. All He asks for is our heart—that it be willing, contrite, teachable, humble, meek, and repentant. It is then when we are, if we are willing, receptive to the will of God. There isn’t a thing in my life I could have done without the atonement of Jesus Christ. I have needed it to repent, forgive, change, heal, love more deeply, see more clearly, understand more fully, embrace others with more profound compassion, extend kindness when it wasn’t easy; the list goes on. It couldn’t have been possible to do the hard things in my life without Him.
Through the relationship I have fostered with Him, I have developed a deeper understanding of one’s use of agency, no matter how it is used. I have walked with Him as I have wrestled to nurture greater compassion and understanding for those who have hurt me, striving to have eyes to see them as He sees them, relying on Him every step of the way because, without Him, I couldn’t do it. Without Him, I could not extend the forgiveness to those who have hurt me the most.
What better way can we be one with Him than to use our agency to choose Him and offer our broken hearts to Him, the Master Healer? We can use that agency to act according to His gospel and how He lived His life. My life has left me with many choices; some may say that I have made many wrong choices, but what I have learned because of those choices is so valuable. They have, in their way, helped me to become more at one with our Savior Jesus Christ. Those choices have led me to critical points in my life where I have had to make more important decisions- will I allow this to make me better, or will I allow this to make me bitter? I choose for it all to make me better; if not better, it’s all a waste. It all would have been a waste if I had not only found Him along the way but made it a priority to cultivate a relationship with Him, to nourish that relationship. Will I allow this to cause me to see others in like manner, or will I choose to see them through His eyes? I strive to see others as He sees them; this isn’t always easy, but I try.
Will I extend forgiveness, or will I hold a grudge? Always choose forgiveness, even when it’s hard. No matter how deeply they have hurt you. Extending forgiveness to others brings you peace. It’s an act of mercy. You won’t always get an apology or an explanation, so extend kindness and the mercy of forgiveness to yourself and set your mind and heart free of the hurt. Yes, I know the pain will still be there, but so will He, and if you allow Him to, He will comfort you. It is one of the glorious things the atonement of Jesus Christ covers.
Our stories connect us in ways we may never know if we aren’t brave enough to share them. There is beauty in our differences, in our brokenness. That is how the light of Christ shines through us. There once was a time in my life when I lived in what I felt to be a dark abyss, never knowing if one day I would be free from that darkness. Here I stand years later, blessed with the all-encompassing light of Christ. In Him is life eternal. Through Him, I am able to live life more abundantly and joyfully. He is the light that shines through me, every broken piece of me. He is the reason I am able to shine brightly. He is the reason for my joy.
Because of the relationship I have cultivated with Him, I can see more clearly the reason for all the hard times I have passed through. It wasn’t a means to draw me away from where I was but to where He needed me to be. It was for my growth and the life He had in mind for me. They were moments that would later allow me to see how much He loves me, to draw me closer to Him. It took me a long time to see that. Yet He was patient with me. He never left me. He allowed me to continue to put myself in situations that would cause me to lean on Him more and more after I had the chance to get to know Him. The trials and afflictions of my life have allowed me to get to know Him more profoundly and personally.
He has seen me at my lowest lows, lows not mentioned here, and He was with me. I was one of the 99 who had gone astray. He came and rescued me. He knows each of us and reaches out with loving arms, desiring to heal us, make us whole, and carry us back on His shoulders if He must back to the 99. Love in its truest, most innocent form unifies and unites others. It is what unites us to Him and others.
You wouldn’t think it knowing this brief bit about my story, but I find it easy to love others. It’s one of my favorite things about me; maybe it’s one of the tenderest of mercies and most beautiful gifts. Our Savior, through His infinite atonement, has blessed me with deep love, the ability to extend it to others almost effortlessly, and the ability to be inclusive. To love as He has loved or at least try to. Just as Jesus did, I look for the one-off on their own, including those with my group. I have always been this way…I had to ask an old friend (old as in we have been friends for over 20 years) about my character, mostly because I feel I have changed so much that I wasn’t sure if this is how I had always been.
Quentin L. Cook says in his talk, “As we face the vicissitudes of life, many events occur over which we have little or no control. Our faith in and worship of God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, is a choice that we make. The essence of truly belonging is to be one with Christ. Strive to include others in your circle of oneness.” I encourage you to think celestial as you press forward.
Being one with Christ begins with you. Whatever time we feel we have lost will be rearranged through His infinite atonement. I have found belonging in Him. I see the similarities in our lives and the lives of those around me, and they have helped me draw closer to Him. I have gone from feeling unworthy of love to knowing I have always been fully loved by Him, who created me and has always known me. All He asks for is our heart. He knew we would struggle, stumble, and fall, but not once did he then or will He ever turn His back on us. On the contrary, it is we who tend to turn our back on Him. Our feelings get hurt, life gets hard, and we feel forsaken and resentful, as though He is punishing us, so we have a tendency to get frustrated after so many blows and turn our backs on Him when what we should be doing is turning to Him more frequently, relying upon Him even more for comfort, peace, understanding, and strength to endure.
“The more you learn about the Savior, the easier it will be to trust in His mercy, His infinite love, and His strengthening, healing, and redeeming power. The Savior is never closer to you than when you are facing or climbing a mountain with faith.” Elder Russel M Nelson
On this journey called life, I invite you to learn of Him. Foster in you a desire to be one with our Savior, Jesus Christ. Choose to believe in Him, have faith in Him. Pray to your Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ for help. Worthily partake of sacred ordinances. Read your scriptures from the Book of Mormon and the Holy Bible. There are so many good works to study that will help you nourish and cultivate a relationship with our Savior, Jesus Christ. Immerse yourself in them as I did, and feel His arms around you. Begin your journey to be one with Christ in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
