As I sit here in front of the Salt Lake temple I think of the times I have felt so much here.
The time where I learned that it took Him 40 years to build me. The time just after they started renovation here where I felt He was also rebuilding me.
To look at it now, so tripped of all that I once knew it to be I can’t help but see the same in me. It seems so raw and painful at times and yet I know the beauty that will come is going to be so much more than I could ever imagine.
Reinforcing the very foundation, strengthening it right where it stands… strengthening me. At times I feel I fall so far short. And yet I know deep within me that He sees so much more. He’s showing me and it’s scary.
I struggle with knowing, really knowing if the words of another are true. So many times I have believed the words of others only to painfully discover they are nothing but lies. I’m only learning to listen to other things that I once quieted.
I want to hear Him! I want to know the me that only He knows, the me that He allows others to see…those that are truly blessed to really see.
As I walk around the grounds there are signs that speak to me…maybe more than they speak to others.
Center yourself….words in the first sign I see, inside a box. It causes me to think that during this time of a worldwide pandemic I must be centered. Centered around what? The world, the news, all of the information surrounding the pandemic? No…none of that.
I must be centered upon the one sure thing in my life, our Savior Jesus Christ. Centered upon His gospel, the commandments, and His teachings. I need to center myself on His love…for me, center myself on His view of me.
It’s not an easy thing to do when the better part of my life has been very contradictory to His light and love. It is possible though. I have opened myself up to Him over the years. He has seen it all, the good, the bad, the hard, the heartbreaking and He has seen me through it all. Whether I grasped His outstretched hand in mine or not He was there. When I didn’t really know who He was or if He really existed He was there. In those moments where I was so hurt and angry and frustrated and my understanding was so very limited…He was there.
He knew my heart and could see to the very core of me what I was capable of. He knew what it would take to turn my stony heart and when it softened and the many walls I built around it came tumbling…He was there.
Since that day I have tried to center myself and my life on Him. It isn’t always easy, life still has its ups and downs but being centered on Him I have a better understanding of the purpose of it all.
As I center my life on the Savior I am more able to stand firm. That’s not something I was able to do before. I wavered to and fro always bending to fit some mold, to be accepted, to feel loved. In order to do that I had to be flexible, bendable, moldable.
To stand firm in Christ is to know with certainty…often times unexplainable to others, that there is a purpose for this life and the great mysteries of God are personal. He wants us to know Him, to love Him, to follow Him. He also wants for us to know how He sees us, the very core of who we are, our purpose our potential… its infinite depths. He wants for us to know and feel of His love for us, personally.
Stand firm and know that you are a child of God. You are of infinite worth, made of divinity and your potential is limitless. Stand firm and know that God loves you!
Look up….the sign I missed because my sights were set high. Look up to Him in every thought, doubt not, fear not. Look up in faith, centered on hope.
Think big…this is something I have been doing for years but my patience is severely lacking…or maybe it’s my ability to really see what is in front of me.
It is in my nature to think the best of others and no matter the number of excuses my heart is ever understanding, even as it breaks.
What I want for me and what the Lord wants for me are similar to some extent and yet so much more because His ways are higher than mine.
As I find myself in yet another season of growth and restructure my eyes are being opened to things I wasn’t able to see before…things about my past, choices I have made, the way I see myself.
My idea of big for me seems so large but in comparison to His idea of big for me, it’s so small. At times I feel I get a glimpse of what He has in store for me. It feels larger than life, impossible at times, and yet I know with Him, so long as I am willing and do my part, nothing is impossible.
Find refuge in Him. Life is hard at times and we all need refuge from its storms. Within His arms, there is refuge, peace, and safety…even as the storms rage all around. We have been blessed with so many ways to hear Him and have Him near. Our scriptures are in the palm of our hands every single day. Are we turning to them as often as we should, as often as we need them?
I try to start every day by listening to conference talks. I find I need them. They make all the difference in a day. Each time I learn something new, whether it be for myself or to share with a friend. His words are my refuge.
Break ground…this took the longest for me but I am grateful that it happened. I may not understand why I had to wait so long to have the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life but I feel blessed to have it now. Some of us need the experiences we have in life to better see Him and His hand in our own lives. I can’t tell you how many times I have looked back and realized He was there, guiding me, protecting me. All the while being patient with me, knowing it would be years before I was ready to accept Him into my life. He also knew what would happen once I did though, He had a lot of faith in me. For that, I am and will forever be eternally grateful.
