original post date: March 9,2017
Today is another day like any other but for me it is nothing short of amazing….why, who knows, that’s just how I am. On days like today I often wonder how it is anyone can stand being around me…I am so happy, caring and loving, full of compliments for everyone, and I am sincere about every word I say when I compliment someone. I love the people I work with, they are amazing and patient and understanding and so very caring…they help me to remember who I am at all times and especially when they see that I may be selling myself short on something. I am truly blessed to be surrounded by such amazing people!
I find myself wondering how it is I am the way that I am. I am so full of this seemingly endless joy, love, compassion and I don’t even know how to explain it, its just so much, it’s so intense and beautiful, breathtakingly amazing to me and at time it makes me feel almost random in my words and expressions. I am so full I feel I could nearly explode or burst and maybe I do…I explode in random acts of kindness in my words to nearly everyone I encounter or expressions of great love for those I feel closer to.
I was talking with a friend about last nights blog and the scriptures and how we liken them to ourselves because for me that was a very foreign concept. I had no idea how one even went about doing that and then one day I came upon this blog by Al Fox and she made the scriptures come to life for her in a way I had never seen before, this helped me to do it for myself, though I don’t know how often I really did that. Here I am today, taking quotes from former prophets and making them so very personal to me as I somehow find a way to link a quote with a scripture. Last night it was from Matthew 9:22 …Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole . And the woman was made whole from that hour. I took that very same verse today and thought of this crazy notion I have had, for years now I suppose, that I could become pregnant again even though my tubes have been tied. It made me think deeper on this scripture of the woman who was healed just by touching the Savior’s garment. If she can be healed just by that and her great faith then really could it not also be possible for me….why not?
It was then that I felt this need to write, rather than nap. A nap is much needed at this point but pouring my heart out is far more important. Why? I have no idea. It’s not like this is going to be read by many people and that’s okay. I just feel so much that I can’t keep it all inside, it’s too much to contain. This had actually started off in another direction and I somehow got to thinking about this great joy I am filled with and decided to do a scripture search on being filled with joy and that was a glorious experience. It took me to the Book of Mormon in Alma 36:20 And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain! I was a little confused at first because I am not real familiar with the story that goes with this verse so I read the chapter heading which reads: Alma testifies to Helaman of his conversion after seeing an angel—He suffered the pains of a damned soul; he called upon the name of Jesus, and was then born of God—Sweet joy filled his soul—He saw concourses of angels praising God—Many converts have tasted and seen as he has tasted and seen. At that very moment it all made sense to me, the verse and especially what it is I am feeling when I feel the way I do right now.
I have suffered the pains of a damned soul and have called upon Jesus and as I have come to embrace all that He has to offer me I have been filled with the sweetest joy I have never before known and I am so very grateful for this beautiful joy that completely consumes every fiber of my being. I never imagined that the simplest thing like embracing the Gospel of Jesus Christ would have such a beautiful impact on my life and my whole being.
I try my best to allow Him to take on all the sadness and heartache I experience because I cannot do it on my own, the pain is at times too much to bear and when I give it to Him that pain is replaced with this endless joy that pours out of me freely and randomly and passionately and I would rather feel all of this than try to find a way to handle the pains of life on my own. Don’t get me wrong, I still have days when I feel hurt, pain and heartache but it is easy to let go of because I have faith in our Savior and His Infinite Atonement. I truly know that it works. I have witnessed it for myself, I have seen how beautifully it works in my life and I don’t ever want to go back to how I was before I had this beautiful relationship with my Savior Jesus Christ. I leave these words with you and pray that you may come to know of the sweetness of His joy, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
