“Just because a thought knocks on the door of your mind doesn’t mean you have to invite it in.”
~ Unknown
~This post is dedicated to my baby Sissy and my sweet husband, I love you both more than words can say. Sissy, I believe in you and have absolute faith in you and your abilities. Thank you each for believing in me, for seeing the good in me and loving me. A special thanks to my sweetheart for your faith in me and the wonder that you seem to see in me. I would also like to thank my stepmom Robin for being the kind of mom I needed when I was a kid.~
Words Hold Great Power
It seems like no matter where we are in life there are always thoughts knocking at the door of our mind that is constantly telling us one negative thing after another…you aren’t worth it, no one will ever love you the way you want to, there are a million other moms out there who are better than you, you aren’t pretty enough, you’re fat, no one likes your snorty laugh, you aren’t enough of this or that or anything for that matter…sadly, the list goes on and on. It happens to me more frequently than I care to admit.
I am here to tell you, to remind you, that YOU ARE WORTH IT!
YOU will find the love you are seeking and so much more!
YOU are doing a great job!
YOU are a wonderful Mom!
YOU are beautiful!
YOU are so much more than you can see, but I see it!
YOU have an amazing laugh!
YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!
YOU MATTER…if not to anyone else you matter to me, to our Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ!
Above all of this…YOU ARE LOVED deeply, by those who truly love you and most importantly by the one who created you, your Heavenly Father.
Life Is Hard & You are Tough
I know life is hard, believe me, I truly know it is. I know that there are times we are completely surrounded by negativity…sometimes those negative things come from within. I want to offer you two words of advice when it comes to those thoughts that bring you farther down into the depths of despair and heartache-STOP IT!
You are so amazing and full of absolute grit and beauty! You have what it takes to overcome whatever obstacle is standing before you, even if that happens to be you and your own negative thoughts and momentary lack of self-confidence. You have so much to offer. This world needs you, needs your heart, your courage, your strength, your warmth, and your smile.
We are not the sum total of the mistakes we have made or the negative things that go through our minds. We are so much more than we could ever imagine. We are the sum total of each time we got back up, dusted ourselves off and got back in the game. For every point, we feel we have lost by making a mistake we gain so much more as we keep trying.
Perspective-We All Make Mistakes & It’s Part of Learning
It’s all about our perspective and sometimes that is very skewed for many reasons. Sometimes those reasons are the people who are meant to love us but make us feel that we are less because we have made mistakes. I’m not even sure they are aware (I hope they aren’t aware, I will choose to believe they aren’t aware) of the damage they are causing us as they continue to drag us back through those poor choices we made or our thoughtless and sometimes careless actions and sometimes for doing what was right but only because they were made to suffer because of someone else’s poor choice (I’ll clarify this one later).
None of us is without mistakes or poor choices in this life. I have made my fair share of them though not being taught differently is no excuse for my choices or actions, for we all have instilled in us a true sense of right and wrong. Some of our choices are made because we really don’t know any other way based on our own upbringing. Sometimes it is our upbringing that leaves us confused as we are taught one thing but see the opposite put into action.
My mother used to say that we should treat others as we would want to be treated. I took that to mean that we should be kind, caring, compassionate, and loving. Sadly, those were not things I learned at home, maybe they were taught when I was very young but it was not anything I really experienced while living with my mother. Sure she was kind, caring, and loving towards others; her friends, her live-in boyfriend, his family. Looking back now, I feel as though we, her children, were merely tolerated but not always well.
Growing Up
I grew up in an abusive home. It was awful and I hated it there. I would rather be at school than at home. My mother was an alcoholic as was her boyfriend who was also abusive-more towards us, mainly my little brother. Once they started dating, it seems we became invisible to her…unless of course, we were in trouble for not doing something, or doing something wrong, poor marks in school or if she needed something done (laundry, cooking, cleaning, tending to my younger siblings). It always seemed I would screw something up though, not sweeping right, a dirty dish every now and then or something not cleaned right. I recall being in trouble for my brother not making it to school on time…I didn’t want to wait on him because he was dilly-dallying around.
She worked hard at her job, I am sure, and chores are a regular part of every child’s life, that I understand. As an adult now I can appreciate that she needed some time for herself as well as with her boyfriend to cultivate their relationship but I see that she did all of that at the expense of a relationship with her children. She was rarely home, usually to sleep before work or after before heading out to the bar.
Consequences of Doing The Right Thing
I recall a time, I think this was before my brother ran away from home, where my mother and her boyfriend got into a fight and I stood helpless as he punched her in the face in the living room of our home. Her friend who was also there told me to call the cops and so I did. Why wouldn’t I? I was scared and just a kid who didn’t know if that would be the only hit or if more would follow. Her boyfriend got arrested and I’m not sure what else happened because of that but boy was I in trouble for calling the cops. I didn’t hear the end of it for a while because what I had done caused them grief.
Harsh Reality
I never felt smart, I was constantly compared to my younger sister who got good grades in school. When I was 14 my younger brother ran away, he was 12. Sadly, I was the only one who went looking for him. I think I looked for 2 days, which doesn’t seem long but I think it may have come to light where he had been and was then sent to live with my father and stepmother and their family. There was so much I didn’t understand and apparently so much I was unaware of.
Two years after my brother ran away from home I made a call to my father asking if I could come and live with him. After talking with my stepmother it was decided that I could. My mother and her boyfriend took me part of the way, we met in the middle where my dad, stepmother, and my aunt were waiting. I don’t even recall the 2 and a half-hour drive. My aunt says I seemed pretty out of it when we arrived at the truck stop to meet them.
I was hit with a lot of very hard truths at 16 during the drive back to my dad’s. It left me messed up for a very long time but being at my dad’s taught me what it was really like to be part of a family…wow, that’s sad. While there I went to school and helped around the house and it was appreciated. I even babysat my baby brother and sister so my parents could do things but in doing so I was told that the next weekend I would be able to go and do something I wanted to do like hang out with my cousin.
Contrast in Family Life
We ate dinner as a family, all at the table, our parents too and we would talk about the day. Weekends I think were some of my favorite times as we would all pile into mom and dad’s bed and talk about what we should do for the day. Often times we would go to the bakery for doughnuts and go for drives around the lake. My stepmom, who I had always called mom, would sing silly songs on the drive. We would laugh and play, and there was love. I didn’t feel as though I was merely being tolerated, I felt like I belonged.
Not once growing up in my mother’s home did I ever feel appreciated, let alone loved and cared about. That deeply saddens me today but I am also grateful for it as well because of who I have become through enduring it all. Though I am not certain how I endured it all…okay, maybe I am certain though I wasn’t aware of it in the midst of it all.
You Are Not Alone
Fast forward many years and many mistakes later and much knowledge and understanding gained as well as faith. Throughout my life, I have come to learn that I was never alone. It took many years, trials, mistakes, heartbreaks, and tears to realize that I had a heavenly Father who was mindful of me and my every need. It took a few more years for me to understand why God allows bad things to happen to good people. Truth is, He doesn’t allow it but He does not stand in the way of anyone of us and our agency and how we choose to use it, even if that means someone else gets hurt in the process.
We are each free to use our agency to choose, in doing so we must choose wisely. And so it is with the thoughts that are knocking at the door of our mind, be they thoughts that come from within or the words of others creeping in. We are precious chosen vessels, especially to our Heavenly Father who loves us deeply and desires for us to see ourselves as He sees us. We are His children. There is divinity within us and as such our worth comes from within. We are or have the potential to become all that we tell ourselves we are.
You Are More Than The Lies You Hear
Make sure you are telling yourself the right things. YOU are wonderful! YOU are remarkable! YOU are a great mom who gives all she can! YOU are loved and above all are worthy of the love you seek! YOU are beautiful! YOU are the reason for many smiles! YOU are #1! YOU are a star! YOU got this!! YOU are trying hard each day to be better than the day before. YOU are more! Don’t be hard on yourself if it seems to take a little time, after all, it takes time to make a diamond truly shine.
Don’t let life drag you down. Dig deep & see the person I see, see the person He sees in you. Above all don’t give up. YOU matter! YOU are worth it! I love YOU! He loves YOU!
